Get out of jail free card
Have your excuse at the ready
If you're having a hard time justifying the expense—or trying to think of a vaguely plausible reason as to what you could say to a customs official as to why you've got a copy of Not Safe Four Words in your hand luggage—fear not! We have prepared some handy go-to excuses / reasons / get-out-of-jail free cards for you. Pick whichever one(s) suit the occasion and all shall be right and well with the world again!
Philosophy
We all like to tell ourselves little truths about the world. And why not. It makes life understandable. So what better way to justify buying Not Safe Four Words than by repeating one of these famous affirmations from well-known philosophers every day: Albert Camel used to say, “I swear, therefore I am.” Some other French bloke also said, “Fortune favours the brave”, or free-willingly foul-mouthed in this case. And a Swedish feminist first came up with the ever-Nobel, “If at first you don’t swear, swear, swear again!”
Personal identity
If you think of yourself as someone who isn’t uptight, puritanical and likes a laugh, then you would not be living an honest life if you didn’t honour that self-belief. Not buying Not Safe Four Words would mean you weren’t being true to your true, best version of yourself. Is your life a lie? No! You can do it! You can make your life honest, significant and meaningful: be who you are and say it out loud: I love laughing and to hell with Hitler!
Express yourself
It’s what Madonna would want you to do. I checked and she said it was okay to do it. Honest guv. With 150 cards in each deck, there are thousands of bannable phrases and endless fruity filthy possibilities. You don’t have to agree with them! You just have to express yourself and exercise your creativity. And, technically speaking, the dictionary is already full of words so if you get banned for using the words in the Not Safe Four Words deck, you can point people to the dictionary and tell them that that needs banning as well. As Whitney Houston once said, “It’s not right, but it’s okay.”
The perfect present
This is the easiest excuse ever. It’s not my dildo, honest! It’s for my grandad, it's his 90th birthday. But seriously, we’ve all got a mate who thinks they’re unshockable or who we know loves the dark side of life a little more than Buddha. Not Safe Four Words is THE game for them and you are honouring them as a friend by showing that you understand who they are and buying them the perfect gift! We all want to be understood. It’s a great service and kindness you are doing.
Double-ended get-out-of-jail-free card
This game is guaranteed to ensure you never get invited to a respectable dinner party again. On the other hand, it might ensure you are always invited. Be careful what you wish for. Either way, taking along a copy of Not Safe Four Words to a party—or a networking event or hobbyist meetup—where you don’t know all the other attendees is a high risk strategy. It could work wonders for your reputation or tarnish and trash it to the point you won’t miss the people who don’t want you and your dirty deck of cards within five miles of their hallowed presence, which, actually, still makes this a win-win!
One-size-fits-all
Not Safe Four Words fits neatly inside your mobile phone case, purse, wallet, handbag, sports bag, body bag, backpack, suitcase, fanny pack/bum bag, cat carrier and “bag for life”—basically as long as the bag you’re trying to fit it into is big enough, it’ll fit in nice and snug. Which means you never have to leave home without it. You can play it anywhere you go! At work, during a meeting at work, in the toilet at work, on your break at work, on a train in the Quiet Carriage, in a lift (elevator for our North American friends), in a pub, in the Ritz or Savoy—they really love it when guests swear in the restaurant in front of other the other guests.
Spreading the Good Word
Playing Not Safe Four Words in public places—at a bus stop for example, or on a zebra crossing or your local art gallery—means you’re part of the in-crowd, the advance party, the forward thinkers, be-ers and do-ers and cool “IDGAF-ers” and the zeitgeist—a German word meaning “good person who helps other people achieve success and feels good about it in the process”. Germans love long words. You’re doing the job of the priest and vicars in the Days or Yore, helping bring a fabulous array of fruity filth to the masses that is packed to the hilt with enough words to trigger cardiac arrest in a God-fearing elderly relative.
Revel in sin
Even better than being a good person spreading the Good Word, you get to revel in smug satisfaction knowing you helped unleash this monstrosity onto the world. If you haven’t achieved anything in life yet, this is a guaranteed way to boost your self-esteem and tick off the “I did something meaningful with my life” box! That is in no way a legally binding promise. It’s a box of 150 colourful cards, FFS. What were you expecting?
End-times preparation
No amount of hoping, wishing and praying will make Not Safe Four Words edible when the apocalypse finally arrives—although that does preclude the existence of a deity that whose existence or not we cannot verify at the time of going to press—playing it might cheer you up in your final days and deflect your attention from the horrific level of pain and suffering (and/or elation at what might turn out to be The Rapture?) that might be visited upon us all in those final end days.